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SHARK President: Colorado Governor Owens is a "Moron", "Stooge"

Colorado Governor, Cattlemen: Incompetent Welfarists

by Steve Hindi, President, SHARK

February, 2007

I want to start by saying that I am neither a PETA basher nor a PETA fan. PETA has at times made me proud to be a fellow animal protector, while at other times their antics have left me shaking my head in embarrassment. I've just never accepted that taking one's clothes off helps animals, but that's just me. My feelings about the matter of PETA refusing to aid cattle in Colorado are, however, clear and unequivocal, as is my opinion of the Governor of Colorado after he declared PETA to be “A Bunch of Losers” and “Frauds” for that refusal.

According to news reports, as many as 340,000 cows and steers were stranded by a huge Colorado snowstorm in January. In response, Colorado Governor Bill Owens ordered the National Guard to help feed the cattle. Two second-rate Denver shock jocks named Rick Lewis and Michael Floorwax decided to pull a prank and call PETA to ask them if they would help to get food to the starving cattle. I listened to a recording of the call, and given the tone and idiocy of the jocks, I thought the PETA lady was overly courteous to what were clearly just a couple of buffoons.

After nicely responding to the loser twins for a while, the PETA staffer ended the call. To continue would simply have been a further waste of time. Anyone with a brain knew it was a prank. Anyone who wasn’t an utter and complete moron would realize it was a prank. Anyone whose genes weren’t scraped from the very bottom of a contaminated gene pool would realize that it was a prank.

Unfortunately, Governor Owens apparently hasn’t a brain, is an utter and complete moron, and…well, you get the idea. Governor Not-the-Sharpest-Knife-in-the-Drawer got on the phone with the KRFX radio shock jocks and KOA-AM, the “news” radio station, and got all indignant over PETA’s refusal to swoop in and save Colorado’s cattle and coincidentally, the profits of Colorado’s cattlemen. To listen to the governor you would guess that he was just one of the guys, and by that I mean a crotch scratching, hung over boorish fellow that real people try to avoid at all costs. I guess he was just trying to be "one of the guys," but he came off like an idiot in his tone even before the nonsensical rant got under way.

And what is the history to be found in the archives of Lewis and Floorwax? In 2003 these goofs caused quite a controversy when they gave an equally second-rate has-been, Ted Nugent, a platform wherein Nugent made derogatory remarks towards Asians and Blacks. Nugent's rant was so offensive that he was subsequently compelled to apologize, although in typical fashion he then claimed his comments were "taken out of context."

With a history like that, who could possibly be stupid enough to take these clowns seriously? The answer to that question is, unfortunately, Colorado Governor Bill Owens. For anyone capable of abstract thought, Lewis, Floorwax and Nugent are nothing more than the three stooges of radio. For genetic rejects like Owens, however, these boobs are apparently sage-like advisors. That's really a sorry situation. Even accepting the obvious – that Owens is a moron among morons – one has to wonder how anyone could possibly be so dense.

Earth to Governor Owens – PETA isn't responsible taking care of Colorado cattlemens' cattle. Earth to Colorado cattlemen -- big snows happen in the middle of winter in Colorado. You just might want to consider preparing for what isn't just a possibility – not just a probability – but a damned sure thing. I wonder if the cattlemen are going to repay Colorado taxpayers for the expense of the National Guard doing the cattlemen's jobs?

The bottom line here is that a Colorado snowstorm, whether you consider it an act of nature or an act of God, is just a fact of life. What is incredible is that Colorado cattlemen don't seem to grasp that. Then they turn out to be such a bunch of weenies that go crawling to their opposition, begging for a handout. That sorry situation is almost as sad as the stranded cattle.

The problem here isn't a couple of Howard Stern-wannabes. The problem is that Colorado's governor is such an idiot. If Governor Owens was bent on searching out welfare for Colorado cattlemen, I wonder why he didn’t call the supposed cattlemen’s best friends and cheerleaders, the Rodeo Mafia? After all, there are some noteworthy rodeo associations that call Colorado home, including the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA), which happens to be the world’s largest rodeo association. Then there’s the Professional Bullriders Association, the National High School Rodeo Association, Colorado Pro Rodeo Association, the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association, the Colorado State High School Rodeo Association, the Women’s Professional Rodeo Association, and there’s more. I wonder just how much collective help these supposed cowboys and cowgirls gave to their fellow cattle folk. My guess is that the collective dollars and hours contributed were exactly the same – absolutely nothing.

There appear to be a few absolute truths that come out of this very sorry situation. First, Colorado cattlemen, judging by Governor Owens' behavior, are such a sorry, wimpy and incompetent lot that, in addition to all the government welfare they already get (government land, water, tax perks, etc.), they have to resort to begging for handouts from their sworn opposition. Second, that Governor Owens is an even sorrier excuse for a man than the Colorado cattlemen are.

Fortunately, there are only a few relatively small groups of people who could possibly fall for Governor Owens' sophomoric temper tantrum – an utter and complete moron, a member of the Rodeo Mafia, or a right-wing whacko reactionary. If this silly story has done nothing else, it has established a litmus test for thinking people versus those who are dumber than a sack of hammers. It sure is too bad that the governor of Colorado has done a belly flop smack into the second group.